The Tension


James Newton Howard – Bennet’s Decision

Today has been criss-crossed with confidence and fragility. With one breath, I can do this; with another, why try? I packed it up at noon and drove home for an afternoon with mom, grateful for a job that affords this flexibility. I’m of the firm belief I prove nothing by not taking sick days or using vacation and lieu time. In fact, it helps me be myself better.

Today, certainly, this is true. We chatted over mint smoothies and croissant caramel pudding (!!), and I stretched out on the couch to calm the ache in my centre. Mom is a storehouse of remedies. Know your limits, take your time, be gracious with yourself.

We Christians are called to more and greater things, to leave past selves and sins behind, all the while knowing in our weaknesses Christ is shown strong. We live in the tension of showing up for the hard work of progress and relying on his Spirit in us. It’s in this tension that we grow in relationship and reliance and plain old self-awareness. And it’s in this same tension I’m learning to be gracious with myself, as Christ has been gracious. So we grow, and we let ourselves off the hook, and sometimes we take an afternoon off.


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